Finding out or suspecting your partner or spouse is cheating is a huge shock – and often you don’t know who to turn to for support.  Many of us are reluctant to talk to our close friends about the affair, we can feel ashamed or just don’t want other people’s opinions to affect our decision about what to do next.  We need help though to survive infidelity.

One of the ways to get the help you need to face your cheating spouse or partner is to use forums that focus on infidelity and cheating partners.  I have started this list but we are always happy to hear from anyone with forums you think should be added:

Surviving Infidelity

The one I wrote a lot about in the eBook is survivinginfidelity.com – this was where I found support when I found out about Brian (my cheating ex).  It has an extensive library of articles and answers to questions asked by betrayed spouses.  There is a real sense of community, with many old timers sticking around to help those new to this situation.  I found friendship and by hanging out on the forum boards, it made me realise I wasn’t alone.  Many other people are dealing with situations just as bad as (and often worse than) mine.

Other Forums

Loveshack.org

Loveshack is an interpersonal relationship center, and it has a board for those dealing with infidelity.  Not quite as busy and big as Surviving Infidelity, but you would still find support and help here.

eNotalone.com

Again this is a general relationship forum with an infidelity thread you can join.  Again not as busy as Surviving Infidelity, it seems to be popular with a somewhat younger crowd (talking about boyfriends and fiances rather than husbands and wives).

catchcheaters.com

Catch Cheaters is relatively new so again not so busy, but it is useful as it has separate boards for men and women.  Many of the boards on other sites have far more women than men so for the guys this could be a good choice – they seem quite active and supportive.  There is some serious pain been discussed.

This article is by Sarah Horth, author of Infidelity: Catch Them Cheating and Survive.  Read our review of her infidelity ebook here.

Cheat Sweeper – by Sarah Silvestri and Glen Houston

Price: $27.00 for a limited time

Rating: ***

Advantages

• It is written in an easy-to-read conversational style.
• It is a reasonable price.
• The package includes the excellent ‘How to Get The Truth Out of Anyone’ bonus
• The main report offers practical advice.

Disadvantages

• The advice given is often hidden in paragraphs of padding – we felt like we had to take notes to get the good information out of the repetitive writing.
• The advice often doesn’t go into enough detail:  the authors would write something like ‘the clues are often endless.’   That kind of writing isn’t helpful – they need to be more specific.
• The cyber report bonus was a disappointing 2 pages long and didn’t really include any information.

Bonuses

1.  Desktop eSnooper -keylogger software

We were hesitant to download this software as it is not independently guaranteed to be adware, malware and virus free – and we do not advise you download it, unless you are willing to open up your or your partner’s computer to trouble.  Check out the keylogger software we do recommend – and one even has a 7-day full free trial – probably quite enough time to work out if you have something to worry about.

2. Never Get Cheated on Again – Report

This is a nice 7-page report written by someone who has gone through 32 years of marriage and discusses the ways to keep your relationship healthy.  There are no ‘tricks’ here, just good old-fashioned advice that your parents or grandparents might pass on to you, and always a good thing to read and remind yourself what a healthy relationship is all about – especially if you are going through the stress of infidelity.

3.  How To Get The Truth Out of Anyone – Report

This 15-page report is detailed and gives you plenty of tactics to try to tackle your cheater’s lies.  From body language through to how to draw the lies out of your partner, this covers all you need to know about lying.  The only concern we had was that the body language information is out of date (it is based on research over 12 years old) as more current research we have read says something quite different.  This is only a small part of the report though, and it is an excellent source of practical information if you want to catch your partner out in their lies.

4.  Cyber Report

At first we thought this wasn’t finished and had been put up by accident.  But when we went back to read the description, this really was it.  At a disappointing 2 pages long, it really is just a list of sites like Facebook and dating sites that your partner might be using to cheat on.

eBook Contents

Introduction

This book is 84 pages long, with around the first 28 pages dedicated to the introduction – this includes how to prepare yourself for what you find out and what is the definition of cheating.

Practical Advice

The book then  moves on to a more detailed look at cheating online, detecting, and devices that detect.  We thought that although there was some good advice in these chapters it was surrounded by too much padding so it got lost.  We felt like we had to take notes or highlight key information.  Also the information didn’t go into enough detail, for example there is a chapter on spy equipment, but no actual brand or model is recommended above others, and there are no links to where you can buy these things.  This means you are left wondering what you should do next.

Your Frame of Mind

The book then moves on to how you are coping and what you should expect while you search for the truth.  Again there is good advice but hidden in some rather repetitive writing and the advice doesn’t go far enough.  The authors write about making a decision about your relationship, but what if you are not sure?  There is no help in making that decision.  The book finishes on specific advice for men and for teenagers facing infidelity.

Conclusion

We gave this package 3 stars as there is some good information included, and it is priced under $30.  But there were many weak elements to this book – we think there are better out there.

Our Other Reviews:

Check out the books in the chart below – click on the links for the full review.

There are many signs that you partner or boyfriend might be cheating.  Often just one of these things doesn’t mean much, but when start to add up three or four together, your cheating warning bell might start ringing.

1. Secretive with his computer – changing screens or shutting his laptop when you come near
2. Secretive with his phone – keeping it with him at all times
3. You find unexplained receipts and credit card charges.
4. There are ATM withdrawals at unusual locations.
5. You see changes in your partner’s cell phone bill.
6. He has secretive phone calls – one woman I talked to, kept hearing her boyfriend talking on the phone in a locked bathroom
7. Your partner starts being secretive with his phone and visa bill.
8. He changes his sexual habits.  He wants to have sex less or more often or starts having more inventive sex than before.
9. He has changes in his work schedule.  He spends more time away from home with more evening and weekend meetings or more business trips.
10. He withdraws from you, your family and friends.

For me, I noticed that my ex Brian changed his work schedule – he was spending the night more often at the small cottage he could use at his workplace.  He called me the nights we were apart, but those phone calls were getting shorter and shorter.  He started to half shut his laptop whenever I came near, and no longer left his phone out on the kitchen counter – instead he left it in his coat pocket hanging it in the closet.  Then the late night texts came and finally I had to admit something was wrong when a dating site popped up in his browser history (he usually deleted it)!

There are many more signs that I look at in the Infidelity: Catch Them Cheating and Survive ebook, and we give you a step-by-step plan that guarantees you will find evidence and find out the truth of what your partner is up to.

This article was written by Sarah Horth, author of Infidelity: Catch Them Cheating and Survive – check out our review of her ebook here. And to don’t forget to check out the overview of all the infidelity ebooks we have reviewed.

Perfect Keylogger – for Windows

Perfect Keylogger – for MAC

Rating: ***

Price $34.95 (Windows) $44.95 (MAC)

Free trial: Yes, a 5-day trial but of only an earlier version of the software, so it may b e flagged by security software.  This is ok for playing around with on your computer but we don’t recommend using the trial version for monitoring your partner.

Awards: Plenty of 4-5 star ratings from throughout the web and certified 100% clean of spyware, adware, malware and viruses by Soft32.com labs, freedownloadsplace.com and Filecluster.

Records all:

Keystrokes

Online searches

Social networking activity

Forms filled in

Online chat conversations, including gmail and Facebook chat.

Windows opened

Passwords

Features

• Runs in stealth mode and can send information to your email account – although looks a little more complicated than other software to set up.
• You get screenshots of what your partner has been doing, so you can see what they can see.

What is different about this product?

Well obviously the price is attractive!  It is half the price of the other recommended software – although I would strongly recommend that you play around with the trial version first before buying to make sure it has the capability you need.  It mainly only records what is done online (and then it has problems with catching some URLs), and not what else is being done on the computer – files, printing, login times, etc.  Most importantly there is a very big question mark over whether you will be able to monitor email – which is a considerable downside for someone wanting to keep an eye on their partner.

Refog Personal Monitor and Keylogger – Windows Version

Refog Personal Monitor and Keylogger – MAC OS X Version

Rating: *****

Price $69.95

Free trial: Yes, you can set this up and use it for 7 days, your partner won’t know it is installed.  Make sure you uninstall it our upgrade to a paid version before the 7 days is up.

Awards: Plenty of 5 star ratings from throughout the web and certified 100% clean of spyware, adware and viruses by Softpedia.com.

Records all:

Keystrokes

Website visits

Online searches

Programs and apps

Social networking activity

Forum activity

Forms filled in

File usage and printing

Online chat conversations, including gmail and Facebook chat.

Windows opened

Emails – both sent and received

Uploads and downloads

Passwords

Features

• Runs in stealth mode and has remote monitoring (it sends reports to your email account)– you don’t need access to the monitored computer after you have set up the software
• You get screenshots of what your partner has been doing, so you can see what they can see.
• Easy to install and they have a step-by-step guide to show you how to get set up.
• Great support – very easy to get help with any difficulties you might have.  I sent through a question and it was answered within hours.

What is different about this product?

The thing I really like about this software is the back-up service.  They are happy to give you a full trial for 7 days.  None of the others will do this, and so you can really get a feel for what you are buying.  You can see with no risk how easy it is to set up and trial their (excellent) support. It means it comes at no risk to you.

For Windows:

For MAC OS X

Spytech Spy Agent Keylogger and Computer Monitor

Rating: *****

Price: $69.95

Free Trial: Yes, but as includes pop ups so do not use to monitor your partner

Awards: too many to mention here!  They have been certified 100% clean of viruses, malware, and spyware by www.top-shareware.com.  They have a huge number of 5/5 software ratings by all sorts of websites and have been featured on TV several times.

Records all:

Keystrokes

Website visits

Online searches

Programs and apps

Social networking activity

File usage and printing

Online chat conversations

Windows opened

Emails – both sent and received

Uploads and downloads

Passwords

Features:

• Runs in stealth mode and has remote monitoring (it sends reports to your email account)– you don’t need access to the monitored computer after you have set up the software
• You get screenshots of what your partner has been doing, so you can see what they can see.
• Easy to install and they have a step-by-step guide to show you how to get set up.
• Great support – very easy to get help with any difficulties you might have.

What is different about this product?

Probably the additional features of this software is that it gives you a series of reports, not seen in the other two programs.  It gives you extra ‘top 10’ reports, such as: the top 10 searches report; the top 10 websites visited report; and the top 10 email recipients report.  These could be very helpful if you are searching for patterns in your cheating partner’s behavior.

Usually $89.95 for a limited time $69.95

So your partner is showing some of the many signs of cheating, and you have tried to get some evidence of their infidelity but they are managing to hide what they are up to.  If they are attached to their phone, you might like to check out some of the ways you can monitor their cell phone.  If they are up late at night on the computer at home, you can also monitor this.

You can use a piece of software called a keylogger. You install it into the computer you want to monitor, then it becomes completely hidden.  You then either get reports of what has been happening on that computer sent to your email account, or some require you to go back to that computer to look at the hidden reports.  The programs differ, with some that even record chat conversations and give you screen shots of the websites your partner has been visiting.  This is a very easy way to know exactly what your partner has been up to on their computer.

Putting something so well-hidden on your computer can be dangerous as you don’t know what else you are opening up your computer to – viruses or the reports being sent back to a third party – that is why we only recommend software that has been verified as 100% free of viruses, malware and soyware by external companies.  Some infidelity advice ebooks come with free keylogger software, but unless it has some kind of external guarantee we do not recommend you load it onto your computer.  Be very careful.

There were three keyloggers we found that came with excellent external guarantees and reviews – and these are the three we recommend.  They are slightly different so we have done a comparison for you.  Click on the product name to go to the full keylogger review

Infidelity: Catch Them Cheating and Survive by S. Horth

Price: $24.95 for a limited time

Rating: *****

Advantages:

• Gives a practical plan that you can easily follow to find out if you partner is cheating – with much of the information given backed up with solid research and experts’ advice.
• It is written in a direct easy-to-read style and there is little padding or repetition.
• Includes interviews and case-studies of people going through the same thing as you.
• Includes interviews and quotes from cheaters so you can get inside your partner’s head and see how their thinking has changed with the affair.
• Includes up-to-date information on monitoring your partner through their phone and computer – with easy to follow instructions and an online Computer Sleuth Mastery Course.
• The full book is available as a podcast so if you do not have time to read, you are still able to access the information.
• Everything promised in the sales page is delivered.

Disadvantages:

• We enjoyed the stories and case-studies and would like to see even more in the next edition.
• Although she presents both sides of the story, the author has been through being cheated on and is obviously biased toward breaking up.

The Bonuses

The book comes with 4 bonuses:

• Free life-time membership to the Infidelity: Catch Them Cheating resources site: This frequently updated site is full of all the extra information you might need on your ‘Catch a Cheat’ campaign.  She does not include keylogger software and instead links to a safe and reputable company’s free trial – I recommend this approach.  It is much safer for you and your computer.  There is information about computer monitoring, phone monitoring, recommended books and websites, and whole lot of other great information.
• Podcast of the book: For all those people too busy to read, this is a great bonus.  You can download or listen to the book online – saving you lots of time as you can listen as you drive to work, or as you exercise.  An excellent addition!
• Computer Sleuth Mastery Course: For all those technopphobes out there, this course gives you step by step instructions on how to check things on your partner’s computer – it includes screen shots so you can see what you are meant to be doing.
• Personal Email Coaching: Get help from someone who has been through what you are going through – get feedback on your situation and what you should be doing next.  Great service to make this campaign fit your personal situation

The eBook Contents

This book is 80 pages long, which is a little shorter than a few of the other books I looked at, but has little padding and  instead is packed with information – so I consider it excellent value and a faster read.  I don’t enjoy books that repeat themselves just to pad out the page numbers and this book does not do that .  It is split into ten steps with 12 chapters and Horth uses quotes, bullet points, highlighted tips, and interviews throughout the book, making it very easy to read and understand.

The ten steps covered in the book are:

Step 1: Set Up Your Campaign

This short chapter covers the preparation you need to do before starting out: making sure you have support, having a place to keep your evidence, keeping your sanity!

Step 2: Identify the Signs

This is a longer chapter and brings together the 20 main signs of cheating into one detailed list.  You will know exactly when you should start to be worried about your partner’s behavior.  Many of the signs are illustrated with real-life examples, so you can really understand what they mean.

Step 3: Understand Their Attitude

This is one area that you don’t see covered in many books on cheating, this chapter looks at how the cheating partner is excusing their behavior, Horth calls it ‘the fog’ where the cheater rationalizes their cheating and loses themselves in the haze that comes with lust.  Again filled with interesting examples so you can really see how your cheating partner is fooling themselves.

Step 4: Learn About Liars

This is a shorter chapter and gives you research-based information on the difficulties of spotting a liar and why you need evidence.

Step 5: Break Their Alibi

This is the start of the section on collecting evidence that your partner is cheating.  It looks at how to monitor and check up on your partner’s stories in a methodical way.

Step 6: Go CSI On Their Ass

At 22 pages, this is the longest chapter of the book.  In it Horth gives you all the tactics you need to build a body of evidence about your partner’s affair.  She focuses on four areas :

• Computer
• Phone
• Car
• Money

She gives you detailed instructions on how to go about gathering evidence in these four areas (but gives you information about other areas as well) and links in with the free membership site that comes with these ebooks for additional information.  This is all supported with real-life examples of how others have gotten through this stage.

Step 7: Confront Your Cheater

This chapter covers how to approach your cheater to get the best results and what to expect from your own emotions.

Step 8: Assess The Risks

This chapter looks at the risks of reconciliation and what signs to look for in your partner that shows they are truly remorseful and not lying any more.   It gives you the requirements that need to be met by your partner (and you) if you are thinking about staying together.

Step 9: Make A Decision

Bringing together experts’ opinions on how to make informed decisions, this chapter gives you the steps you need to take to be able to make what might be one of the most difficult decisions of your life – to stay or to go.  These are research-based tactics on how to finally decide what you are going to do with the information you have found – not an easy thing to go through!

Step 10: Take Time To Heal

The book wraps up with a chapter on caring for yourself in this difficult time – there are case-studies of what other people have done to deal with the stress of working out what is going on in your relationship – these interviews are great, as you really can see how others were stressed but have coped.  There are some tactics here that I hadn’t thought of (one very important one to do with dealing with your partner while they are still in the fog) as well as many useful caring suggestions that we can all hear again while we are in this stressed out state.

Conclusion

At $24.95 this package is great value for money – quite a bit cheaper than other books but probably filled with more information.  It has to be one of our top choices for cheating resources.  Full of information and support.  The two things that really stood out for us were that there are so many real-life stories – it helps you to see what you should be doing and makes you realise that you are not alone in dealing with this; and that the advice was logical and so easy-to-follow.

Our Other eBook Reviews

So you’ve managed to find a phone number that your partner calls often and you want to know whose it is.  For US numbers, you can try the White Pages website – it will give you the name of the phone owner for free if it is a listed landline.  If you have found an address (say on a receipt for where flowers were sent) this site will also do a reverse lookup for you.

If you have no luck with the White Pages, then try entering the number as a search in Google, trying different combinations – with and without the area codes.  If you still have no luck you may have to use a pay reverse lookup service.   The one that I recommend is called  Phone Number Scan.  It has a reasonable cost for one years access to their service and gives you information about the phone number like who it belongs to and their address.  Just what you need when you are tracking down any suspicious phone numbers from your partner’s phone bill.  Remember that just because it is listed on their phone as their best friend, it doesn’t mean they are calling them.  Many times cheating partners will hide their lover’s number under a friend’s name.

Being in an environment of mistrust and doubt really takes it out of you. Stress, worry, fear of humiliation, fear of finding your fears are true, all have a detrimental effect on your health and well-being. In the same way that it is important that you are able to find out the truth once and for all, it’s also important that you look after your health.

If you don’t look after yourself, how are you in your best condition to face what is happening in your life? How do you know that you are in your peak condition, able to think clearly and concisely, and able to make the right decisions about your relationship and the future of your marriage?

I get emails from a number of tired, stressed, and unwell clients. Sick or tired people make bad judgments and bad decisions. It’s easy to let things overwhelm you and react in a way that you may later regret. The trick with finding out the truth is in playing it smart. It pays to be on top of your game if you are going to outwit your partner.

You can stay on top if you employ the techniques and strategies in the How to Catch a Cheating Spouse course

Then it’s time to find some ways to channel and eliminate stress from your life, and put things in perspective. Escape your issues for a while.

If you are in the midst of a crisis, take some time out and spend it nurturing yourself. Get a massage, a facial, a manicure, a haircut, or anything that helps you to relax or feel sexy. Remind yourself that underneath all that stress you are a person. It’s times like these when you realize that the only person looking out for you, is you. Treat yourself. When is the last time you took a day off, went shopping for clothes, had your hair cut, caught up with a friend for lunch or coffee? When was the last time you spread a blanket out on the grass and read a book? When was the last time you walked in the park, admired the view, listened to the sounds of life and nature around you, and felt the sun on your skin?

Make a list of things you can do on a day off:

• go walking in a park or on the beach
• buy an ice-cream
• meet with old friends for coffee or a meal
• get a massage
• get your hair cut
• get your nails done
• get a facial
• buy some new clothes
• listen to a favorite CD
• go for a drive somewhere nice
• visit relatives
• buy yourself some flowers
• spend some time in a garden
• meditate
• burn some scented oil or light some incense
• go to a yoga class
• go for a run
• ride a bike
• go for a swim
• lay on your back and watch the clouds
• have a sleep in the sunshine

More importantly, when is the last time you noticed life going on around you?

One important realization I want to impress upon you is that no matter how desperate your situation may seem, it’s vital that you don’t immerse yourself in it completely. Live your life in balance. Notice life going on around you. Spend some time in it. Spend some time doing things you love, and spending time with friends and family members you love.

Then when you are refreshed and ready, you are able to refocus on your marriage situation.

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This article is by Sarah Paul, author of  How to Catch a Cheating Spouse – check out our review of her ebook here. And to don’t forget to check out the overview of all the infidelity ebooks we have reviewed.

How To Catch a Cheating Spouse product is a compilation of quality ebooks covering tips and methods to uncover your cheating spouse to marital advice for couples in crisis. Also included is bonus tracking software Sherlock Pro, which tracks screencaps, websites visited, and keylogs. This ebook and software package is a comprehensive tool for partners that want proof of infidelity or peace of mind.